Awaken.

(Blank...)
The feeling right now is totally empty, dead I supposed. Perhaps is the foreboding before end of the world?
I look up the sky.... and I see 'black', hopeless. I'm a Christian but never once been to church when I grow up, nonetheless, I still pray to god sometimes. My very first time made a so called formality prayed in front of a church when I was in UK, it was snowing... and I sat alone outside the church, at least I remember how does the church looked like. Oh, I left my gloves in the room, in purposed, but I wore my sweater. I can still remember the scene of the street and buildings.. I prayed silently, it was weird cause I felt much like talking to myself than telling the god, am mumbling. There's a few passengers passed by.. I pretended I was waiting for someone. And yes, I was waiting......




I hope there's a backspace button in life, so that I can erase the memory that I want it to be gone. Perhaps it will hurts lesser..     




:)

Cherish someone you love..

I was watching a movie called 'ps: i love you', is an American movie. The story is about how the young widow dealing with the days after her love one had gone.
Before the husband died, he wrote her a series of letters that will guide her, not only through the grief, but in rediscovering herself. I cried when watching it. Imagine a person who you love so much has suddenly gone. Every night at the same room, same bed, thinking the same thing, talking to the air, missing him badly, wanting to see him so much then suddenly he appear in front of you, but it's just a dream. It's not difficult to forget someone but it's difficult to move on. For me, I can't do either.

I cried because the good memories keep appearing in my mind. I felt left out in the cold. Nobody cares..
I don't know why.. I'm so jealous when people showing love in front of me. I feel uncomfortable, I wanna hide. In a relationship is just a term for saying, some people they're married, but in fact they're separating. Some people they did sacrifice lots of thing for the love one, but they take it for granted.

Sometimes you're lost.. you don't know what love is.. I'm not an expert but I can tell you..
You just wanna be with him/her for the rest of your life. When you don't, please leave.
Don't care about the problems, cause problem can be solved. So, just ask yourself. Do you want be with him/her forever?
Love is just that simple.

No, it's not.
I was always thought that way..
When my love one gave me a big shoot to my heart, it's half dead now.
Please, I'm not telling everyone my problems, just a little bit sharing.
Why should I pretend that I'm fine..
Do I deserve all these? Or I must press the shit out of a dog ass only can be a good mother?
You judging me this way? Really?

She left less than 8 years life..
I'll be so sad if I can't see her anymore..
Can't see her excited face when I'm home..
And you're taking her away from me..


I'm glad that you're happy.
ps: 你冷落我了

Let my voice be heard.

Have you ever asked about me?

I feel like an empty box.. quiet and feeling deserted..

(Stop reading if you think my post is non-sense. Out of my page now.)

There's a hole between us, and its getting bigger..

I don't know how to fix it, neither of you.

Do you actually know that your words hurt me?

Sigh..

What can I do to turn back time..
No, it's impossible..
But I wish..
No, don't wish.. once you did, you will feel hopeless..
Well, that's how human being.. We make a wish to hope for miracle happens.



I wanna speak out my heart. Will you listen?


I'm crying..

I want my love back..

Express。

Back to December


I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night",
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leavin'
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye"

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night".
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night"
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time.
All the time 

ill.

I'm officially sick.. I couldn't sleep last night. My body pain, headache and coughing are driving me crazy.. I cried badly.. can't describe the pain in my heart.. is totally heart broken- the truth. 

  

Urg.. I'm feeling extremely headache now..I have no appetite.. I woke up at 2pm and I'm going back to bed soon.. I ate two spoons of rice.. Hmm.. Roxanne doesn't seems to have appetite too.. 

Sigh.. Can I have one day sadness? I'm exhausted to be optimistic sometimes..

He say he care for you and love you the most..

But he never say a word to comfort you when you're crying even though you're sick..

If your gf is crying.. will you feel hurt or annoyed?

Obviously, you felt the second one. :)

Last night was my hurtful day ever..

ps: when you feel angry, not in the mood, pissed off.. I'm willing to be your punching bag. But don't feel sorry after treating me that way. 

It won't go away just like that..

Somehow, my heart is still pain..

爱情

我该用什么言语他才能明白呢？还记得那天在飞机场的离别，大家正忙着和他道别，而我却在一旁哭了起来。我没想过我会
落泪，更没想过他会因此而感动。而最开心的是，在回家的路上收到了他的简讯，我们互传了几封简讯直到他上了飞机。
一天后，我在手提电脑下载了skype，这一来就可以免费和他通话，也能通过视讯看到他。刚开始他不是很适应那里的环境，
可能因为这样而害怕了起来。在谈话过程中，我们彼此都哭了，那一刻真的很感动，我想我永远都忘不了那一刻的心情。
陆陆续续的过了两个月，就仿佛好像过了两年，不知还有多久他才会回来。我想他妈妈是希望他留在那里吧...
我不需要爱的轰轰烈烈，只求一丝丝的甜蜜，我不需要刻骨铭心的爱，只要一颗真诚的心。甜蜜真的对一个女人很重要，没
有了甜蜜就好像身体缺少了水分，没滋润，容易老化。

爱情就像一杯红酒。

刚开始会抗拒，

第一口会觉得很呛，

很刺激，

第二口慢慢开始顺了，

稳定了，

喝多了会让人觉得晕，

反感，

厌了，

喝醉了就开始做些不应该做的事，

劈腿了，

接下来我也不知道该如何比喻。总而言之，一旦你接受了一份爱情，就得经历各种的甜酸苦辣。

我相信他。